They Are Not Stepchildren. They Are My Children.

Being A Stepmother Starts With Having No Stepchildren

When I met my husband, I also met my two (future) stepchildren. Two handsome and sweet boys, Christian six and Matthew two years old. I also had two boys Kevin 10 and Josh 9 years old. When we started dating, the boys seemed to do great together but later on we found out when they were together they used to argue and fight just like any other brothers. We never really noticed that.

When Andre and I moved in together, I promised myself to treat them just like my own kids and to always love and support them. Of course in almost 20 years there have been ups and downs but no matter what we are a family. When Chris and Matt started calling me Techy (my nickname, pronounced Te-chee) I knew we were growing together.

My boys have always been respectful, sweet, helpful, funny, lovely, smart and thoughtful kids, not just me but my whole family love them.They are both unique in different ways. Chris has always been quiet, always thinking, willing to talk to you about life and the issues that follow. Matt, on the contrary, is always loud, funny, making jokes, and playing around.

Isn’t A Blended Family Just A Family With Logistical Challenges?

When they were little, we had to meet their mom every other weekend to pick them up so that they could spend the weekend with us, since they live about two hours away from us. I always call Matt my baby boy, and yes, he has always been my little baby boy, well he is the youngest of the boys. Chris was always the one helping me around the house, taking the garbage out, setting up the table, helping with dishes, helping with the baby, etc. He has always been very helpful and so mature.

I knew of cases in my family and friends that had stepchildren and did not have good relationships with them; from not speaking nicely of them, loving them, being jealous of them, and seeing them as only a problem. I did not want that to happen to me. I would not have liked that to happen with my own children, because they also had a stepmother and stepfather.

When Chris and Matt were babies, I tried my best to care for them, teach them well and treat them the same as my own children. They would stay with us from Friday after school to Sunday night. During the summer, they used to stay at home for about a month and also for the holidays. They adjusted to their “normal” so well. Since Andre worked on Saturdays, and sometimes on Sundays, I was the one who spent most of the time with them.

Treating My Boys Like My Boys And Never Stepchildren - Maybe It Was The Food

The boys liked Hispanic food a lot, and I knew about the dishes they liked the most, and sometimes I had to do certain things to make them feel better, for example, the dish Arroz Tapado (Covered Rice), which has raisins and eggs mixed, well I had to separate no egg for Chris and no raisins for Matthew. At breakfast I knew Chris did not eat eggs, so I had to cook something different for him. Matthew loved chocolate milk. I used to add a lot of chocolate and sugar; he said this is the best chocolate milk ever, they both used to drink a lot of milk, so I had to make sure I always had extra milk during the weekend. They could only drink Sprite if they were drinking soda, my favorite soda is Coca Cola, I remember the first time they tried Coke. It was funny; they did like it but told me we are not allowed to drink Coke, well I had to respect that. But as you can guess, I let them indulge. ;-)

I used to take them to the pool with my family and friends. They seemed to enjoy those days. I had a friend that would cook using the pool grill and always remember Matt saying, this is some good chicken. Matt was only two, and he was like a fish in the pool. People were so impressed by how good he was swimming. He was the youngest of the boys, but he was always the one in

charge. We used to take them to the park to play basketball or just to stay active. The boys were always playing outside until nighttime. I remember them getting back in the house all dirty and sweaty, taking a shower and getting ready to watch a movie together as a family, good times and memories.

I Decided Being a Stepparent Wasn’t For Me - I Was Already a mom

They have always been part of me and my family. Wherever I used to go, they used to go with me, to family gatherings, to the mall, groceries, out to eat, etc. We got a minivan to ride all together. We were six and a baby on the way. The weekend I had my daughter they were with us at home, it was perfect because they got to go to the hospital to meet their baby sister, and just fell in love with her.

When it was possible, we would go to see them play sports, and spend the time with them and their mom’s family in their “other” town, Winston-Salem, NC, we always had a good and respectful relationship with them, which I think is actually very helpful and a good example for the kids.

As family had been through so much just like any other family, it's been times when they were sick, sad, with problem and I had to take care of them just like my own kids, preparing them chicken soup so they can feel better, giving them medicine, talking to them about problems, times when we had little money so we had to stay home just to save some, correcting or just yelling at them when I had to, going on vacations together, etc. the thing is that I always wanted for them to feel at home, good or bad, they know this is their home. You know, mom stuff.

Having Stepchildren Should Not Change What Type Of Parent You Are Or Want To Be

My point here is, when you commit to someone with kids, you also have a responsibility with them. They also need your love, time, dedication, but most of all, they need to know they have another home to come to. I love my sons and I know they love me too. Now they are 25 and 21, Chris graduated from NCSU and plays music, and Matt is still in school (no matter how old he gets, he stills my baby boy). Even with our differences or mistakes, we know we can count on each other.

Our four sons have a great relationship. They are very close. I don't see them as much since they are adults now and with more responsibilities, but when we do, we enjoy our time together.

If you are having some issues with your step kids, try your best to fix the situation, talk to them, get close to them and try to understand whatever they are going through. I know it is difficult, but it is possible, you never know the impact you can have on them. My sons always call me on my birthday, mother’s day, or special occasions. The best text I got from my son was a few years ago on mother’s day, it made me cry and I still keep it on my phone.

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