Budgeting To Reduce Stress In Your Relationship

Money The Elephant In The Room

I know the feeling. Many of us have been in this situation, or perhaps still are; we at one point were. For several years we were in this situation. We were always broke, not poor but broke, we were working, making okay money, and should at least have enough to pay my bills and save a little money, but we were not doing it. We were not managing our money well or at all and didn't even know where it was going.

When you have a large family, especially with four boys, it can be both stressful and expensive. School supplies, sports equipment, clothes, going out with friends, school activities, etc. And then there are extra expenses, you know, the last-minute things; car or house repairs, emergencies, etc.

Poor financial stewardship is irresponsible in so many ways. You not only set a poor example for your children, but you introduce problems into your relationship. We kept our heads above water, but the additional complications were taxing a lot more than we thought.

There were many days, even weeks, when I couldn't sleep just thinking about everything that was happening, I knew that just like me, my husband also felt the same way but he said nothing, it was like an enormous elephant in the room. I was having a lot of headaches; I was always angry, screaming, tired, stressed by the situation, I knew I had to get out of this situation but I was not doing anything at all. Besides that, I couldn't go out with my husband, or with my children, or just do something with them, because you need money for everything. Several times my husband and I tried to get out of this situation, trying different ways of handling money, a few times we did better but we always ended up in the same situation.

A few years ago, my husband reached his limit and did something about it. Well, he was furious with the situation. We knew how to do it; we knew what steps to take, we just hadn't done it. He talked to me about it and together we sacrificed a little and did something about it.

Years ago we attended Financial Peace University (FPU) through our church and even worked with a personal finance coach for three months, but we were still not where we wanted to be. What pushed Andre over the edge is that earlier in his career he was not just responsible for profit-and-loss statements, but was great at running profitable organizations. So in his mind, managing a budget should be just like managing a P&L. Why were we struggling?

There were moments that we were okay financially, but for convenience we stopped doing what worked. Communication, tracking, and Andre being the geek he is and administering the budget. When we did not do these steps we lived, well struggled, through the consequences.

So Andre geeked out. With all of our bills on the table, we created a budget, and decided where our money would go, dollar for dollar. We entered our plan in You Need A Budget (YNAB), a program we have used since it was a spreadsheet. Using YNAB helps us with our three success factors - communication, tracking, and being administered by our house’s geek. And the next important step was committing to sacrificing to get back on track.

When I say make sacrifices, I mean to stop doing unnecessary things that require using money, stop buying things just because you want them and do not need them. There is a big difference between wanting and needing.

Examples of wanting - eating out, buying clothes or things you don't need, going to the movies, going out on dates, dancing, hanging out after work, etc.

Examples of needs - rent/mortgage, utility bills, groceries, gas, clothes to go to work, medicine, etc.

You can change your financial situation

Make a few sacrifices but it is worth it, there is nothing like living in peace and knowing that all your bills are paid and that you even have money saved for emergencies. That you do not have to live paycheck to paycheck.

Budget your money

Make a list that includes the money that comes in and all your expenses, from home and utilities to credit card payments.

In it you must enter the money that goes to each category, These “buckets” will have sub-categories that will help you plan and track where your money goes. Here is a sample of some categories we use:

• Giving/Charity
• Savings
  • Emergency fund
• Food
  • Groceries
  • Dining Out
• Housing
  • Rent or mortgage
  • Repairs & Maintenance
• Transportation
  • Car payments
  • Insurance
  • Gasoline
  • Taxes
• Utilities
• Television Services
  • Hulu
  • Netflix
• Personal
  • Gym memberships
  • Christmas gifts
• Clothing
  • Adult
  • Children
• Recreation
  • Entertainment
  • Vacations
• Credit Card Payments
• Debt
• Variable
  • Amazon Prime
  • Bank/Service charges
• Software Subscriptions
• Medical
  • Dentist
  • Doctor
  • Optometrist

Stay disciplined and Patient

When you get paid give the pennies a job, or plan before you spend. With online banking, most people have either moved away from physically balancing their checkbook or may have never experienced the joy of doing so. Whether you are using a spreadsheet, a check register or software recording expenses immediately (or ASAP) is a good habit.

When you properly track your expenses and group them in categories budgeting is easy. You can plan how to eliminate (paying down your debt) or avoid (by saving for big purchases and pay in cash) debt and spend your money in ways that enhance your lifestyle, but it takes time.

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel - The Reward

The reward is great; it is a wonderful relief; I thank God that my husband did something different with our money. At first you sacrifice a lot, but little by little you are paying off your debts and you save. Right now we only have a few credit cards to pay off, but we can still save. If we have to buy something we need, we do it. But we no longer impulse buy. We always think if we need something or if we just want it.

It is never too late to make better financial decisions, to save, to have a better understanding of your money, and instead of your money managing you, it’s you who manage your money.

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