From Toxic to Thriving: How Our Relationship Changed After I Did

Recognizing the Problem

As I mentioned in my previous article, I was a toxic person, and therefore I had a toxic relationship with my husband, and the problem was me.

Hitting Rock Bottom: A Wake-Up Call

Almost 6 years ago, my relationship with my husband was so bad that we were about to get separated. It was impossible to talk and understand each other. We were always fighting; I was always jealous, negative, judgmental, and used to get angry at everything. One day, we had a fight so big that it forced me to seek help. My first attempt was to Google couples' problems. What should I do? Should I get separated or not? Does he have someone else? Etc. And the truth is that it helped me. I found a lot of information, and that helped me determine I was a toxic person.

The Turning Point: Seeking Help and Self-Realization

I remember that when I realized I was a toxic person and what that meant; I cried so much; I felt bad, as a person, as a wife, as a mother and as a daughter, I was so ashamed of myself, I just wanted my husband to forgive me and hug me, I have always loved my husband very much and I know he loves me too, but I was naïve to notice what was going on.

Rebuilding Our Relationship: The Journey to Change

It has been 6 years since this happened. We are still together, very happy, not perfect, but perfect for each other. Our lives have changed, I feel much better, confident in myself, and I trust him now, our relationship is good, calm, at peace, we always spend time with our friends and family, our children are doing well, we want to be a good example for them, and let them know that they can count on us for everything.

The Renovation Experience: An Unexpected Bonding Opportunity

We renovated our house, and although the process was very stressful, it helped us a little with our relationship. What do I mean by this, well we had to make a few changes, besides the house we did too. First, we renovated our basement; it took a while, then we continued to the second floor, which is where our room is. Well, we had to move our bedroom to the basement. This was quite a challenge. We stayed down there for months. The first floor was also packed with many items from the second floor and basement. The kitchen was a disaster. Despite the stress we had, we talked a lot about how the house was looking, what we wanted to change, we spent time in stores buying things for our house, choosing new furniture, bedrooms, kitchen appliances, home decoration, etc. and we always discussed how beautiful it was turning out, planning everything little by little, it gave us a lot to do and talk. During this time we went out to eat a lot, we stayed in restaurants for a long time because we started discussing the house and the hours went by; we were always distracted by all the things we wanted and we could not wait to see the house completely renovated.

Rediscovering Communication and Connection

I am mentioning this because many times couples have nothing to talk about, nothing to do together, and life together becomes a routine and kind of boring. At least it happened to us and many people we know. I used to always ask my husband, could we talk about something, but we didn't know what to talk about. There was no conversation between us.

Enjoying Our Home and Newfound Happiness

While the house was getting renovated, we had to spend so much time away from it until it was ready, we were so happy and grateful to have our house back, we didn't even want to go out anywhere, we just wanted to enjoy our house, and besides that we were alone.

For a while we did not go out, we only did when we had an important event with our family or friends. We really like spending time at home, especially in our kitchen, trying new recipes, eating healthy, watching television, having a few drinks, talking about ourselves, our family, plans for the future, etc.

The Importance of Personal Space and Trust

Giving him his space has also helped us a lot, sometimes he goes out with his friends to eat or have a few drinks, and vice versa, I don't worry if he is unfaithful to me, or things of that nature, like I did before, I feel much better and secure, I trust him, and I know he loves me and respects me.

Looking Ahead: A Stronger Future Together

Andre makes me feel calm and confident. I always turn to him when I need something, when I don't feel well, when something worries me, or I have a problem. First, I always pray and then turn to him.

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