Getting Into The Friend Zone

Like many people, I have family and acquaintances, but for me letting people into the friend zone is hard. The reason for that is I am selfish.

I Don’t Need A Lot Of Friends Just The Right Ones

There is no quota, but there are requirements for whom I would call a friend. I need friends that will be honest with me and expect for me to be honest with them. As I have gotten older, I have also learned that honesty is something that I truly value and with that being the case I desire to surround myself with honest people.

Often we cannot see our surroundings in their true light. Whether it is for our own comfort or the comfort of others, the simple route is the desired route. I once had a manager to remind me that “if the right thing was easy to do, then more people would do it”. This struggle often leads to unnecessary complications that could have been avoided. Friends can keep you off the ledge saving frustration and unnecessary hurt.

Friends Don’t Let Friends Do Stupid Things

The blinders we sometimes have can even prevent us from enjoying the successes. I am a driven person and recovering workaholic, and sometimes in my life I failed to recognize that I had done a good job. So combine that with my personal drive and addiction to work/success/winning (or whatever). Long hours and extra days were the norm at the expense of things I valued more like my family. Thank God that I had people around me that helped me to identify my folly and remember what was important to me. When you surround yourself with honest people they can get you to pause and smell the roses.

To be fair, I treat all people the same, but my family and friends get the raw conversations. I don’t feel the need to require a strong filter, because I would expect the same in return. I struggle with knowing that I could have said something, but didn’t and things went south.

Learning to listen is a skill I constantly work on. I believe being a better listener makes those close to you genuinely want to ask, “What do you think?”. Not offering an opinion or advice until someone asks for it can help you strengthen any relationship.

The exception to the rule will always be DEFCON 3 moments. The moments when your loved one is in harm’s way or will put someone else in harm’s way. Friends can often be objective to the issues you are facing (especially those dealing with family) and may help in navigating through issues.

Sad But True - All Of My Relationships Are All About Me

Years ago I attended a workshop based on The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In going over habit 2 (Begin With The End In Mind) there was an exercise that included asking yourself what type of person would you like to be remembered as at your funeral. What would you like people to say about you? Well, that exercise stuck, and it made me selfish in a good way about my relationships.

There are things that I want my family and friends to remember me for, and they all align with my values. There are principles that I believe in without question, and I want to display them in my life to be an example to others. I believe that in doing so since I cannot change the world, I can at least impact those around me. It’s the right thing to do.

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