Insecure? Don't Be and Secure Your Relationship

Do you feel like your partner is constantly lying, cheating, or disrespecting you, even though there is no conclusive proof they have done anything wrong? No matter what they say, you struggle to avoid constant conflict. Maybe it is not your partner, maybe you are the problem. It is possible your behaviours are stressing the relationship.

Has your partner called you insecure?

I remember when my husband told me, “You are very insecure.”; it made me feel terrible, I remember feeling very lonely. My first thought was, okay, my relationship is over, he doesn’t  want to be with me anymore, why would he say that to me?

But, in the way he said it, he was not fighting or screaming; he was saying, “I can't take it anymore; you are ruining our relationship with your jealousy and insecurities.”.

I did not know what to do; I remember laying down on the couch in my living room, crying silently.  Sadly, I felt like he insulted me, because he had never said something like that to me before. I remember I had my cell phone with me and I said, what does it really mean to be an insecure woman? My first thought was to Google it, because I did not want to call my mother, sister, family or friends to talk about this, I have always kept my private life, well private. Well, it was the best thing I did. I found a lot of information about what an insecure person was and believe me, all that was me more or less.  

But what is an insecure person?

When a person is lacking in self-confidence or assurance, they are insecure. We have all felt this way, and it is normal, but when this feeling becomes chronic, it can destroy your inner peace, your success in life but above all the relationship with your partner.

If you are always jealous, you accuse him; you don't trust him; and you are questioning him all the time?. All this is not attractive for your partner, and the only thing you are doing is pushing him away from you.

This insecurity can come from when you were very young, and you saw or went through very traumatic things with your family, well this was also my case, but also from lived experiences as an adult, like having broken someone's trust, maybe you did something wrong to someone and think someone can do the same to you.

Another situation could be that you saw your partner doing something disrespectful, that you did not like, he said something inappropriate that made you feel bad and that is why you think your partner is always doing something wrong? Or maybe it is all just in your head.

Feeling like this can hurt you a lot, this may lead you to think you are not attractive, not good enough for him, that if you leave him, you will find no one else and you will end up alone, that you will not be happy, that maybe he will find someone better than you and that makes you furious or sad.

It was very hard for me to discover that I was the one that was wrong and not him, that I was drowning him with so much drama, with jealousy, with things I had put in my head. At that very moment, after I cried a lot, I said to myself, okay, now what, I have to do something, change the way I am, leave these stupid jealousies, recover my self-esteem, and recover my husband.  

This is what I did and I recommend you do it, it is easy but it requires a little work, willpower, but it will help you be a better person and have a better relationship with your partner and believe me I still practicing this, little by little my relationship is much better than it was and I know that my husband feels much better than before.

Love you and value yourself.

For you to make someone happy, first you have to love yourself. I mean that you have to be confident, know that you are a human being and that just like everyone else you have flaws but you are valuable, attractive, beautiful, kind, lovely and smart.

Stop comparing yourself to other women, if your partner chose you it is because you are who he wants to be with, maybe right now you think he wants to run away from this relationship but he is still with you and that is good, it means that he loves you and he'll love it if you stop behaving this way.

Think about the qualities you have, the beautiful things you can offer your partner. What  would he love for you to do?, what would make him feel better?. Think you are fun, friendly, loving, tender, understandable, do you want to take care of your partner? Do you take care of him? Do you care for him?

Start by getting those bad thoughts out of your head, negative thoughts always attack us and you cannot let them continue destroying you. Every time this happens to you, do your best to think of something different, it helps a lot to think about when your relationship just started, the things you did together, the beautiful moments that happened and try to do something similar.

For you to regain or gain confidence, it helps a lot to pray, meditate, physical activities (going to the gym, walking, and running), or hobbies (new and existing). Do things that do not include your partner, you need to recover yourself first and then recover your partner.

Something that helped me was going out with my friends to eat, going out for drinks, we met for cookouts, girls' night out, I even went on a weekend trip without my husband.  While I was doing this, I never thought about doing something wrong or behaving in any inappropriate way, so I was wondering, just like me, my husband can do the same thing without cheating or acting malicious? Why is it I always think he is doing something wrong? Surely, because I am an insecure person.

Confident women attract men, women that know that they don't need anyone to be happy, that they value themselves. For men this is very attractive to see their partner lead a social life away from home.  

But keep in mind that whatever happens, you are a valuable being, that you have to trust yourself a lot, think more of yourself than anyone else, always be the best version of yourself.

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