**I built my career on my propensity to see patterns and solve problems. Taking a moment to realize that I dealt with many of the same problems in my professional life in my personal life was eye opening. Here are three professional skills that I attribute to help me be a better husband. **
Most men I know seem to have their professional-life put together very well. But their private/personal life is well - complicated. That’s okay, in fact, very normal. But the skills you learn in your professional can improve your personal life.
Like many others, I have my baggage and brought it into my relationship. Reading Men’s Secret Wars was one of the most helpful things I did earlier in my life. Actually, I spent most of my time being single working on things about me that needed improvement or accepted.
Understanding my issues and realizing that I am not the only one dealing with issues was huge. My issues with faith, relationships (personal and public), and the comfort I found in being a workaholic had to be dealt with. If I am being honest, my inability to work on these areas contributed to my first marriage falling apart. What I could uncover in working on Andre has allowed me to be in a stronger place now.
It is very comforting to know that it is okay, that I don’t have to have everything figured out. That unrealistic pressure was impossible for me to manage. I can more easily manage who and where I am now. Course correcting is easier to do now because I have a healthy view of who I am. Not perfect, but always learning and growing.
Your motivations professional motivations typically are closely associated with the company objectives and within the boundaries of HR (possibly with a myriad of written and unwritten guidelines). Hmm? So it would seem that we can learn to operate within an agreed upon framework. And if we go outside of the framework, there are consequences. See where I am going?
If you have read other articles on our blog, you may have noticed that we have been through some “stuff”. Well, that’s true. As I revisit those tough situations, I think back on how I responded in them.
Sure, I may have said things that I could have rephrased, but always with honesty and love. I love my wife and always have her back, even if I don’t agree or like something. That is something I have learned over the years. Support does not always mean approval, but does always mean love motivates your actions. What?
Yes, love should motivate your words and actions. Ask yourself, “Is what I am saying or doing showing love and how?”. If you can answer yes and detail how you will be fine. If not, then be open about how you feel or understand the situation you are dealing with.
Ironically, I learned in business the difference between active and passive listening. But I only practiced actively listening at work. When I use the same skill in my personal life, I can see the immediate benefits of making a person feel valued.
Yes, how men and women communicate is different. How we listen is the same. Learning to take the time to really listen has proven to be invaluable for me in our marriage.
Not listening or trying to understand your partner leads to lots of confusion and potentially resentment. Remember when you are listening to your wife you also know when she is asking for help or just venting. This skill and its use combined with a supportive spirit will pay dividends in the growth of your relationship.
The differences between the two of you are what can unite you
From my time in business I learned to hire people good at things I am not. I learned to coach my teams to look for people that brought a different perspective to the team to reach goals. Funny thing is that in relationships the same need exists.
What I found with myself is that in my public life it was easier to hide my “warts” (or maybe nobody mentioned them). In my private life people could see what made me flinch. So with my wife she not only knows what keeps me awake at night, but it often would keep her up to. If we are really in this together, I would have to make sure I treat her like my partner.
Opposites attract. I appreciate the differences between my wife and I. I have learned to depend on her strengths to compensate for my weaknesses, just like in business. As I have gotten older, I have often wondered how people can be “successful” in professional relationships but fail in their personal lives. A lot of the same principles apply.
Been There Two
We are Teresa and Andre, a couple sharing the good, the hard, and the honest parts of building a life and raising a family together. Through Been There Two, we write with the hope that our story gives others encouragement and a reminder that they are not alone.
